Monday, April 30, 2007
站在窗前感觉就像世界少了我其实也无所谓
那么爱你 你不知道
i tried my best. no regrets.
i promised i will cherish the best and forget the rest.
guess it's also tiring for you and i
anyway, on a happier mood, today was the elections!!
president- daniel
VP. Sean Ang
Secretary- DJ
Treasurer- Sean Foo
Student Affairs- Afiqah
Operations- forgot his name =)
hate walking and walking all over again.
esp with abrasions.
it's painful.
hates ulcers. u practically can't eat anything
and ya, i saw a real life example of 一朵鲜花插在牛粪上
ivan- thinking of the goods and bads. hanging by the thread.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Sunday, April 29, 2007
http://www.myheritage.com
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
ivan caluculated.
he'll be $78000 +++ richer upon his 21st bithday.
and he's rejoicing over that now despite being sad.
loves mum and dad.
even the sweetest chocolates taste bitter when u r feeling bitter.
loves bitter chocolate.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
u.
helped me erase the previous memories of him and him.
made me feel like a happy person once more.
but.
ur departure brought them back again.
making it deeper than before.
can't u understand?
i love u so.
much.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Saturday, April 28, 2007
it used to be this
but now.
u left.
friends dun care.
me alone.
so. get back to mugging
i hate myself for hating myself.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
now i understand why studying and preparing for As is more important.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Friday, April 27, 2007
working so hard to achieve nothing.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
i hate myself.
for falling so deeply in love with you
for giving you my committement
for spending my time and money on you
for losing you
for not being able to make you love me
for shedding tears for you
for many many many things
even for making no one read this blog.
and i hate u too.
for everything that i hate myself about. =(
hatred filled ivan
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
我很笨.很傻.
依然保留着那一线希望
还以为事情会有转弯
怎知道是我一时的空欢喜
再去你工作的地方游荡
希望能够有复合的希望
可是你看也不看
直到我走向前才没办法留意到我
我还是那么那么爱你
即使有千千万万的遗憾
但是你根本不爱我
或许说你只喜欢过我
爱却依然留在别人的心房
现在的我真不知怎么办
坦白告诉你
我非常爱你
但想必在你心里一定还是那句
与我何相关.
LOVE+ money+ time+ scoldings+ drop in results+ soft toys+ bag+ jacket+ me.
all wasted. gone. i cherish this memory. but the bad memories just happen to pop up more times than the good ones.
maybe like wat A said, u dun love me. u still love the previous one. and i am just the substitute, the person whom u vent ur fustrations on. to take ur revenge on. because the way you handled the things, is totally identical to what he did to you.
I dun mean a thing to you. i know. now. clearly.
i m just your toy. as and when you are bored, you take me out and play. and dump me aside when you dun need me.
i am just a radio without control. i irritate you even though you tried to stop, and even after you threw the radio away.
i am just a bird that wants to fly out from his cage so that you will pay more attention to me, but you opened the door and chased me away.
i am just like a running tap. whose tears for you can't seem to stop, and you dun seem to care to turn the tap off.
i am just me. the one who loved u deeply, but not appreciated. not returned. and the 'emo' one who might just cease to exist anytime onward. because he was cheated yet again. tormented by the unbearable pain once again. and losing the will to live on, without you.
YOU DUN LOVE ME
YOU DIN LOVE ME
YOU WUN LOVE ME
BUT I DID LOVE U
I DO LOVE U
BUT I WUN LOVE U ANYMORE. at least. i'll try.
ivan- feeling's like standing on the highest storey on the highest building. deciding to jump? or not.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Thursday, April 26, 2007
我看透了
很彻底的
你根本不爱我
根本不想挽留
看着我这样的走
你也没有说什么
只说一声做回好朋友
不要再为那件事追究
我想问你为什么你当初会选择我
为什么又要把我抛弃再让我离去
我不是你的谁
不需要受你的委屈
不需要天天等你
不需要每天早上把你吵醒
因为我 已经不属于你
希望你会说声对不起
但知道你转头里开那天起
我已不再是你的唯一
看见天空在哭泣
就知道他也在为这痴心汉伤心
真的不了解
爱一个人那么容易
说对不起那么容易
打碎别人的心容易
但要忘记好不容易
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
my mind is now a blank. or i rather a question mark.
just like that, nothing else. swiftly.
you just agreed.
i was expecting otherwise.
but ur attitude towards this thing was.... haiz.
should i continue? or retreat?
whatever.
you dun care either.
you dun care about what i say.
you dun care about how i feel.
you dun care about everything and anything.
you dun care about me.
i hate people saying SHUT UP. to me.
so to -u know who- shut up.
i wanna watch Solos. but. it's not going to be shown. =(
added to my misery.
i feel like dying. but will you care?
ivan- all is gone. the last on the list.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
a nice morning. greeted by
uhm.
2 lines from a stranger that made my day.
ARGH!. so happy. haha.
just 8 words from that person's mouth. whoo. haha
and today. no tutorials at all. lectures, lectures, and still lectures.
sleepy as usual. =x
but yesterday. i din blog.
too tired from the EU thing.
it was kinda embarrassing, because of all times, the ceiling leaked water on some of the distinguished guests, or u call them VIPs. =)
the situation was kind of chaotic for 5 mins, then the councillors salvaged the situation by bringing in mops, and pails and towels. embarrasssing moment number 2.
haha. but nevertheless, it was a job well done still.
As for me, the door opener, what else can be better than opening the doors for everyone. the VIPS. if i weren't there, they can't enter. and i get to see them real close! k. i m just speaking in a positive thinking.
in reality, that job sucks.
k. so after that, we went down to mingle with the guests. I spoke to the dunno who. some press woman from the EU commision. ya.
and she thanked us and i said she looked pretty.
maybe that worked as she brought me around introducing me to the guests.
and i met this lady from Germany, holding some high position(i guess) in the Luftana * however u spell it) German airline. ya. and we chatted. and chatted. from school to NS to places of interest. yupps.
that's it. end of that tiring day.
BUT
i wish to continue by bitching. haha
can't help it.
imagine u were with ur frens in the canteen. u put ur bag down on one seat.
k. there are 8 seats.
and then u saw ur fren and said hi to ur fren, who is at another table. thinking of buying food and join them later. in like 5 mins?
k. u return without food. thinking of buying them later when the crowd disperse. but who knows, when u return, u sit. and the 8 places are occupied now. and this other fren comes with a plate of food. and wondering where to sit.
k. ur supposedly GOOD FREN *S* said to u.
eh. go and sit with ur other frens lah. since u like to sit there so much.
well, how would u feel?
and u expect ur another GOOD FREN *H* to speak up. but sadly, nope.
so. u picked up ur bag in anger. and leaves to join the other fren whom u said hi to just now.
and then they asked u to go back. call ur name, and u dao them. being u. =)
and the they i am refering to is not S nor H, but the others.
k. and now i m going to ignore S and H. not that i am petty, but just because i dislike them. =)
and i hope they're reading this blog eh.
but then again. these 2 'good frens' are no longer the same. they made even better frens. they place u last. and they no longer hang out with u. But with *B* *J* *F*
any one else other than u. =)
well. k. you are just jealous.
and so. now u hope that they realise how u feel. but u seriously doubt so. period.
end of that story.
and next, there's this bitch from my class. =)
k. she provoked me since a long time ago.
she din know i hate her. but i think she hates me.
so i hate her even more. =)
i was telling other people jokes yesterday, but she interupted and shouted a vulgarity at me. aiyo.
i tell u the joke now.
F, G, and K were in the jungle.
then K went missing.
so F and G decided to lOOk for K
an hr later, G saw F.
and asked.
F, u see k?
gt the joke?
but that bitch said Fuck u. in my face.
and i wondered what the U was for.
well. i was like watever. since she's the majority of the majority in my class.
so i hope she will fall sick.
and GOODness.
my prayers were answered.
someone's not feeling well today. lalala.
and she still dare to make fun of me.
so i was like.
why u say me? in a damn bloody cold manner.
cos i sweared i wun smile to her anymore. =) * iknow she's not reading this, that's y there're so many =) in this blog)
and she went stunned. nvm. haha.
still i hope she get an attack from herself. well. see my friend's names and u find which one is the sickly one.
some illness that some people have. actually quite common. where u cannot breathe well and gasp for air. yar. that person has a similar name as that sickness.
with that, i can't wait to see her get scolded tmr.
and oso. i have to go rush my outline before i get scolded instead.
then again,
ivan- asks you have 10 cents to spare?
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Homosexuals.
Gays and Lesbians.
Love them, Hate them, they still exist in this world.
but what's wrong with them?
their only 'problem' is liking someone else of the same gender. not that they steal or kill or rape.
and if u think they're enjoying it, it will be very wrong.
they're in fact bearing this torment of discrimination and prejudice against them.
and think of it, you are a gal and u like a guy. u tell the guy openly.nothing wrong.
u are a gay. and u think twice before telling the guy. with 33.3% of being accepted, rejected but still remain as frens, and a 33.4% chance of being rejected, even as a friend.
not that i am gay or something, i m just speaking for what i think is right.
and some people, who really have nothing better to do, go around spreading like who's gay and who's lesbian.
so how they find out?
some people tell their friends, expecting them to keep their mouth shut, but who knows, their mouth is equivalent to that of a red coloured loud hailer. the fren's frens know.
next, people go find out themselves, totally ignoring the 190 more days to A levels. =) they go to the net, spend hours searching for their 'friends' online.
and after that people flock to this people asking are u gay, are u lesbian.
well. then these homosexuals go through a mental torture and suffer in silence.
they lose face, they lose friends, they lose the courage, they lose reputation.
worse cases, they commit suicides. other people choose to brave it and accept that.
and their friends think. c'mon, just a small matter, dun make a big fuss out of it.
and also, the recent massacre in the US Virginia University.
if people showed more care and concern to the 'loner', would this tragedy ever take place? friends are essential in our lives. they determine your actions somehow or another. Understand, talk to them, counsel them. u never know, u migt just prevent a mischap from happening. =)
Guys, Gals, Gays, Lesbians, Fat people, old people,celebrities, criminals, your mother, your neighbour, your teacher, yourself. one thing in common.
all humans.
put yourself in their shoes and understand how they feel.
perhaps you will reconsider whether your next action will prick your conscious in any way.
and i think the 200 pounds beauty is a nice movie. watch it. =)
ivan- pissed.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
i suppose today's the saddest day of my life.
but who knows?
-silence-
i've wasted my time and everything. wat's next?
ivan- wasted.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
today's his birthday.
in my whole life, i dun remember getting him any present.
i regret not treasuring the times when he is around.
i miss him.
Happy birthday daddy.
i miss u.
ivan- loves his father
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Saturday, April 21, 2007
i miss ivan. :(
i miss those friendships.
i hate you now. as my fren. and i know there might be a possibility that u are viewing this blog. (ps: only less than 10 people know that i re-blogged again)
so ya. i dun care!
i still hate u. =( my once good fren.
maybe hate is a strong word.
i longer regard u as my fren. =)
ivan- one friend down
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Friday, April 20, 2007
k. so ya. this week.
so busy. din post.
and next week. busier.
with history test coming up on monday
and CHinese common test on Friday.
our sch will also be flooded with angmohs next monday. whee.
the EU thingy.
i love bittersweet chocolates.
i love mint chocolates.
i love history lessons.
i hate
that big fat pig. *i think only i know who*
my feet ain't that smelly anymore k.
and dun complain when no one else is.SHOO
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Monday, April 16, 2007
ivan is sick.
sore throat. cough. running nose.
and "PMS"
the camp was fun. but i preferred the nite on Friday. =)
anyway, ya.
i m feeling so damn low.
k. simple qn. if ur gf's birthday is like coming.
and u arranged it long ago with her that you guys will be celebrating together.
then she suddenly tell u that she can't meet u on that day.
then u told her that u did arrange with her.
and she says no. u din.
and then u said u got.
and she said. see first.
and then she said she's tired.
wait till next time then see how.
=)
well.
ivan- Sick. literally and not literally.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Thursday, April 12, 2007
had that dreaded econs test just now.
case study to me was a killer.
essay was ok. at least i know what to write.
and i got this strong feeling that i might not be able to pair up with Simin for the facilitator thingy? well, i hope the feeling's wrong.
tmr's the camp. well, no excitement or sth. haha. it's just another camp? haha
and ya, i managed to finish the project. my part!
woots.
now left with chinese and GP, which are actually dued.
and having abrasions sucks. they itch, swell, and are painful.
ps: now u know how i felt.
ivan- abrasion
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
not that i just broke up or something.
but i m just feeling terrible.
too many things. too little time to handle.
HOW?
anyway, i must say, Yanzi new album is really nice, i still like her ballads.
those slow sad songs.
and i rank the songs in her album in this order. according to the number of playtimes in my ipod.
我怀念的 199
旋涡 173
安宁 132
逆光 132
咕嘰咕嘰 121
需要你 118
爱情的花样 91
飘着 80
梦游 80
关于 63
anyway,
today. the school started off with all of us missing one period of lesson!
due to the corporate video. =)
and also the council has to stay back and do the video. haha
they're making somewhat like a MV for the school song.
and ya. imagine, with blazers, ties, and leather shoes. =) inder the hot sun
u sing a line or two of the school song. and people from outside looking at u.
gt the feeling?
ivan- confused and worries for his econs test tmr.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
TO smile =)
or to frown =(
getting this unexpected answer.
i dunno how to react, but still it's better than the past few days.
where my world was dark and cold and i had to pretend that everything is fine and give that fake smile on my face. i dun want u know,but i just dunno how to answer questions like why?.
and yah. i hate my secrets being leaked out. and spreaded.
i hate to face this torture alone.
i hate telling people this story over and over again, when they will just sympathise with you and go off.
i hate those kaypoh people who yah, rather surf the net on boring stuff than study, A levels is more impt. mind u.
off i m to sleep.
with that 'smile' u never get to see in school
ivan- asleep
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
omg. stress.
super sad day. but still u made it end. =)
had this council meeting. well, haha. dunno what to say.
and my homework for today. =)
and ya. i hat being threatened.
histoory tutorial outline
history qn.
ECONs project
chinese worksheet
GP comphre
and the script for the presentation tmr.
HOW?
DIE.
ivan- dying of work
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Monday, April 09, 2007
You Belong in Milan
Stylish and sophisticated, you want to enjoy a truly European life - away from tourists!
Milan fits you perfectly. Great shopping, high quality food, lots of culture... with very little hype.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
i guess the next copule of days will be VERY hectic. TESTS, Camps, Projects.
well, cut the thing short, i simply dun want to go for the council meeting tmr. but still i am going.
and today marks the 90th day. =) only some people know what it means. haha
I lOve rosti and the sausage. yumms.
I lOve sleeping on my bed. zzz
I lOve running away from u. =p
ivan- the lazy boy who love rosti.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
我问为什么
那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么
不解释 低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我
不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你已不想挽回什么
想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解 是怕 真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受
我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起做梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁记得
谁忘了
我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动
求我原谅 抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后
也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌
最美的烟火
最长的相拥
谁爱的太自由
谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心 谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自里走
谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变沉重
谁忘了要给你温柔
我怀念的
我还有想要 爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
我放手 我让座
假洒脱 谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了 所以我 没有哭 没有说
ivan - the one who fell in love with this song.
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Sunday, April 08, 2007
True, a friend in need is a friend indeed.
but seriously, what are friends for?
to confide? to hang out with? or to make use of?
i choose not to believe the last one. but reality proved otherwise.
but still what can we do?
no choice, but to be made use of. =)
GOOD LUCK.
and 'Friends Forever'
ivan- the made use of and friendless 'friend'
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
for the first time, i get to go to an autograph session. =)
YANZI 's AGAINST THE LIGHT autograph session.
the place is packed like shit. but well, it means that she is still not losing her popularity. which is a good thing. =)
I went with Red. who kinda chopped place for me. thx. haha.but other than that, she sang only two songs. much to my disappointment. But nevertheless, they're nice.
ivan loves ice cream and chocolate. they make ivan smile.
anyway, abt yesterday. went to have stamboat dinner at marina.
my first time. :)
but have to leave early. as usual. haha
other than that, i've chosen to forget that thing. and ya. forget and ignore. woots.
ivan is still in love with yanzi's new album.
ivan-the yanzi lurver
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Friday, April 06, 2007
Rumours and Gossips are probably the thing that one will love and yet dread most.
True, we all. ok. most of us love to gossip and spread rumours, saying how guy A loves Gal B, and wat gal C do to break Guy A and Gal B up by saying that Guy A is homosexual and likes Guy D and Gal B likes someone else instead. As confusing as it may be, in the end, just like the broken telephone line, the first hand info will not be accurately spreaded to the last party. yah.
true, we all love this. changing all the facts esp if u're the party Z. the last one and the person most unlikely to be involved.
BUT what if we're the characters in it? We will definitely hate this a lot. Will you want someone talking behind ur back? saying omg. he's gay. omg he's a big flirt. and all the negative stuff? The correct answer is no. unless u're some attn seeker who also wants this kind of attention. and so. why this topic.
cos. well. imagine people gossiping abt u right smack in front of you. imagine someone coming up to u and say. /hey. i know ur darkest secret/ or imagine ur closest frens telling u. /someone told me that.... /
how will ur reaction be? for me, i end it with a laugh. But deep inside. i worry, and worry. and still worry. to the extent of being UPSET over it. But still rumours and gossips, never ends.people just dun understand. different people, different reactions. Can't they just spare a thought for people who are damn sensitive? can't they have a heart and KEEP THEIR BLOODY BIG FAT MOUTH SHUT?
___________________________________________________________________
seriously, this issue had pondered me for like a week plus? and i've really been affected by this greatly. thinking who this person is. and the rationale behind it.
so to the person. whosoever you are, and i doubt u will be reading my blog, cause the number of readers is like virtually ZERO, i wish to congrat u of coming up with such an 'attractive' story. =)
and ya. pray hard i dunno u. if not, i m sure i will dig out all ur darkest secrets and spread it. well. i think and bet my mouth is bigger. =D roars. challenge me yea.
let's see. shall i mention ur mum sleeps ard? or ur dad is a whore? hahas. or maybe say that you're a bastard or something? well. maybe that's perhaps nothing to u. but well. i wun be so mean.
i shall just wish u GOOD LUCK and the following
-CROSS the road with care. =) u never know. Lorries, buses, cars ARE BIG, u know. they can crash and crush people =)
-even if u dun cross the road, walk with care. =) cars not only travel on roads u know. they can crash people on the pavements.
-EAT with care. simple reason. Dun choke and ya. who knows, ur other enemies outside might poison u. =)
- SLeep well. and never wake up. =) or maybe some monster will appear and eat u up or take u far away, for the benefit of all human beings, or should i say? dogs, pigs, cockroaches, houseflies, ants. Cos they deserve to live more than u do. =)
- be careful of animals. =) or should i say. animals, be careful of this Beast.
-maybe you're a mugger, study more. =) may all the bookworms come alive and gobble u up.
and ya. last but not least, DUN be wary of me, cause i m not going to do anything bad to u physically. =) i shall let heaven decide cos i believe he or she will be on my side. =)
so ya. what u can do now is
wash ur mouth thoroughly with all the soap and detergent and all the crap
but still it will be futile. cos what's done is done.. =)
and pray hard that you'll live another day longer. =)
with that good nite. and hope u MAY wake up and see the sun rise tmr.
GOD BLESS YOU.
ivan- the rumoured one
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
我想化成隐形的人
隐藏我的泪在翻滚
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Thursday, April 05, 2007
i can no longer wait for that moment to come again
at least for now i know i can't wait
i swear that i will forget and still forget and then go away
but the good memories will still stay
it was a real mistake from the start
but i din care and braved all odds
only to bring myself to greater despair
i can never forget the moment when you said
i love you so much so much
but yet, only that one instance you made it straight
now only the two words you will say
a hi and a bye is all that i get
forgetting those beautiful moments that we had
and going back to the old ways that we led
i've enough of this. and m going to end it. =)
anyway, went steamboat with the china buddies and friends today. yupps. the food weren't exactly great, but it's the people whom you eat with that will make your day. =)
and i just forgot what i wanna say.
anyway, on a side track, FORGIVE and FORGET.
well, we should all practise this. imagine hating someone all your life and not forgetting the painful memories. wun ur short lifespan of just a mere few decades be wasted? i'm trying hard now to do so. and hope we all do. to make the world a better place. CRAP. but seriously, dun bear grudges, it will only make you worse. and dun think too much about stuff, it wun make you better either.
Love life, Treasure it.
Life is unpredictable.
good luck.
ivan-had enough
IVAN stepped on your garbage at
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
I'm indeed tired. but who really care and understand?
I'm tired of books, tutorial, lecture notes.
I'm tired of hiding, from you people.
I'm tired of bluffing, all the time, everyone.
I'm tired of waiting, for you, messages, and everything.
I'm tired of being cheated. not once not twice, but many times.
I'm tired of being jealous, cause i get jealous easily.
I'm tired of still finding a true friend.
I'm tired of being stupid and dumb.
I'm tired. literally.
I'm tired of thinking, of those moments. nice and bad.
I'm tired of the restriction. i want freedom.
I'm tired of seeing people's faces.
I'm tired of being threatened. ya.
I'm tired of not being able to show my true self.
I'm tired of being scared. i m paranoid.
I'm tired of crying alone in the dark.
I'm tired of having no one to talk to. in class. in school.
I'm tired of hating so many people. including myself.
I'm tired of life. and i wish to end it. soon.
ivan-the tired one
IVAN stepped on your garbage at